Wednesday, February 23, 2011

The sound of an ache

No, I don't think it seemed it very often-
that I loved you.
I dissed you, pushed you away. I called you stupid, in all affection, but a lot of times, not.
I got annoyed by you, loved you, irritated by you, infuriated sometimes, found one who wanted to cuddle when Buttons didn't.

No, no, it didn't seem it very often, that I loved you.
And I'm sorry.
I am so, so sorry.

I picked you up, I took you home.
But then I picked the moments I'd stay for your affection, the moments I'd give in to your need.
And I'm sorry.

I lost you.
I lost you less than a week ago.
And then you came back.
I talked to you, hung out, spent time and thought, "at least now I can fix it."
And as I found myself pushing you out of my room yet again I caught myself saying, "In just a bit okay?" Except, I never would get back to you.
I'll see you, I always do anyways.

Two days, you were home. Two days.

I've lost you.
And now you won't come back.
And I talked to you, held you, and thought, "now I can't fix it."

I'm sorry, Fishbone, I am.
The biggest part of this ache is filled with the knowing of all that I should've, could've done.
Now the only thing I've got left to hold on to is the tiny comfort of a thought that, at least I held you before you left.
That at least you went, while we held you.

I'm sorry, I really am.
You deserved so much more than I ever gave you and I'm sorry for that.

I'll see you, I always do anyways.

No comments: