Sometimes it feels like we're still new-
Like I don't know where I stand, or what you think, or what you're thinking and if I'm thinking too much.
Sometimes it feels like we're still green-
Because there aren't feelings that have tired themselves out yet; the feeling of being disconnected, out of touch, out of sync. But of course, also the simpler feelings- like missing you, like comfort, like contentment.
The uncertainty, the wondering, the time spent wondering, that comes with being new, it isn't always a good thing though is it?
Why is it that sometimes things just absolutely need to have the chance to hurl themselves at you all at once?
Because this isn't supposed to be so painful.
Or this difficult. Or hurt like this.
And school was supposed to be more than enough reason to feel like I'm broken, like I'm breaking, like I'm alone while falling apart and falling apart while I'm alone.
And the dark little boxes I had for hiding, I gave them space for two, I did.
So this, this wasn't supposed to feel like this. It wasn't supposed to hurt this bad.
And tonight, oh tonight, I wasn't supposed to be such an absolute mess.