What a sad Easter service I've just had. Well technically, I don't think it was a service but let's not split hairs.
I found myself in tears this morning. I've never been struck with such utter sadness in church before. Of course I've listened to the occasional homily or sermons or speeches and found myself in disagreement. I have also left, in some cases, because when that need to rise and leave hits me (and it only does rarely), I pay attention to it.
Today was. I don't know, I don't know what it was exactly- it wasn't anything specific as much it was the general feel of it. And yes, the energy of the congregation wasn't the highest, but that, to be honest, was one of the last reasons.
Mostly it was what I was hearing from the man at the pulpit. (I don't know if they call it pulpits too, forgive me.) But yes, despite actually quite liking the Priest who spoke today, I was rather taken aback by some of the things he said and now I'm just...
Well I am left feeling very sad, to be quite honest. Not just, "oh this is kinda sad don't you think?" Kind of sad. Rather a, sit and cry sort of sad. A, i-need-to-run-into-a-church-with-a-massive-black-choir-singing-for-all-they're-worth-type of sad.
And I might hit anyone who tries any kind of charismatic-type preaching with me today.
Easter's not supposed to be like that. It's supposed to be happy and joyous. Children are supposed to be in the front row, their legs dangling off the pews, colourings of their easter egg cut-outs in hand.
oh but then (and only just as I finished my last paragraph),
Leann Rhimes' I Need You comes on the radio and realize, I didn't need to be in church to be reminded of what You are in my life. Didn't need to be in church to worship. Because everything I needed to say today spills from that song.
And You're the hope that moves me to courage again