I don't need to have a lot of money, or a huge car or a big house with a Steinway Grand sitting in the foyer. I don't need my company to be huge and famous, I don't need to have my songs on the radio or be signed by a big label.
I'm a girl who like sitting by windows with a book on a rainy afternoon. Who likes waking up early just to cook breakfast for the people I love. Who sighs in contentment over a good cup of coffee. I'm the girl who works really hard, but can find rest in the fifteen minutes between classes. Who tears up watching her kids perform, who opens up her arms and says "Come here sweetie," when they're breaking down because they thought they didn't do well on stage.
I'm the girl on the bus who smiles as she passes big open fields, who can spend afternoons watching people ride horses in an open order class. Who writes, and dreams and breathes in her life, every day.
That's the thing I'm struggling with now-
That I know it doesn't take a lot to make me happy. It's not like I'm never satisfied. And I know exactly what to do to fix this. I know what I can do that will make it all fall into place even if I do become the epitome of a poor, struggling actor.
And where I'm in now was never supposed to be about helping me earn more money anyway. All the actors from this side of town are known to shy away from the commercial side.
If it's not about the money, then surely I'm supposed to find amazing joy in the learning process, no? Surely I'm meant to love each bit of it, not caring about how long or how short the course is and only wondering about what might come next.
And I wish it was like that.
I wish I did.