she's fighting her first instinct,

choosing instead to write.

And so she will. She will.

She will write and write until the dull throb she feels subsides, until she's emptied out, until she's not fighting against herself anymore.

I wish I found it easier to talk with you about this one thing. It never did seem to exist, but it's come to be and made itself especially distinct in my time away.

It being this particular subject.

The brilliant thing about us has always been how we can talk. And we can.

About anything and everything.

V's pointed out how great a thing that is.

And I love that about you, I've loved that about you.

I loved that about you.

I don't know what changed.

I'd like to talk about things like this with you though, I would.

And I'll work on it. Promise I will.

So I should start by not lying and saying I can do this by myself. Because I don't think I could.

And I'm not sure where to even begin but-

I'll take a deep breath and flip open pages for you

December 24th 2010, Friday

3:35am