Monday, October 5, 2009

surprises, they come in the loveliest packages

To be honest, I never thought we'd pick up that idea again.

We didn't just toy with it.
Back then, we had everything planned to the T. It's just that somewhere along the way, other things needed more immediate attention. And frankly speaking, that isn't wrong in the least.

It isn't, wasn't the packing up of the project that had me over-writing in my pink journal.
It was more the idea, the realization that I'd never pick up any part of that dream again. I don't know really.
Maybe I'm stubborn or picky or just plain bratty. Whatever the case, it was something I'd dreamt up with you and "realizing" it with anyone else wouldn't have, in fact, been realizing it at all.

It truly is something to smile at now, when I think about it.
Not just because we're returning to that folded page, but because it feels like that brick wall of things I could never bring up is finally gone. I'd hate to bug you, and I hope I'm not doing that now. And maybe because of that, there was, or at least I felt, some sort of a chasm that seemed half impossible to look past. Not in a weird, uncomfortable or horrible way. But in a very quiet, under the surface kind of thing.

I'm glad I can talk to you again. And not feel like we're both just on the outside of each other's life, coming in for the occasional drink and leaving for another month or so.

I think, more than anything else in the world,
more than our unfinished project, more than knitting, more than bouncing ideas off each other and singing for all we're worth,
more than all of that,
I just really missed you.
I really did.

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