at all

"i don't know what i'd do without you. at all"

At the time, it was all i wanted; just to believe.
And i did.
making it beautiful.

Chris laughed once, after he said that to me too.
And he said, he didn't understand why people would say that.
Because everyone knows you'd just carry on living, without that other person.
No matter how special it was between those two people, for however long.

Of course, you would never think that;
Never be so cynical, the first time you hear those words.
Instead you blush profusely, giggle to yourself and wonder to yourself,
how it is possible that you can feel the exact same way too.

And the thing is, you really do feel that way.
Really, honestly cannot imagine, what it'd be like without the other person.
This cloudy, unfathomable unwanted possible future.

Then you learn.

Yet strangely, a part of me still believes it sometimes.
And so, i still use this phrase, though only if i mean it.
I only say things if i mean it (unless i'm joking and you're supposed to like, get it).

Like, sometimes i'm struck wondering, what in the world would i do,
without mommy or janice or daddy,
vicky, victor, enqing, bird even alastair.

You wonder how you lived before them.
i do.


"i don't know what i'd do without you. at all"
I didn't either,
but look-
You're doing pretty damn good without me aren't you sweetie?