faded

It wasn't the smell,
it was the unfamiliar familiarity of it.

Enough for my breath to catch in my throat and my heart to still for a second too long, that when it resumed it's beating it went "dub-lub" instead of the usual "lub-dub".

It was the knowing of the proximity i'd have to be in- leaning into you, my nose pressed right under your collarbone- for me to inhale the smell of you that i'd, in the future, smile at.
Hurting distance which was, is, completely, voluntarily allowed.
It was that; the knowing, that made me freeze.

But of course, fool.
The hurt is well deserved, because you let someone get that close to begin with.
And i know, this only applies to me. Knowing that self-piteous tears are not allowed.