To save myself
It was a bit different this year and i'm glad for it. One too many drunken parties and years that start melting together after a while.
Quiet night in it was, with good food, family and the X men trilogy. It hasn't been too bad, all in all, as far as i can say, two hours into the new year.
Nonetheless i can't shake off the simple realization of just, never being good enough. Whatever i do, however hard i try(and i have tried hard too), it'll wear off because it's not enough for you.
I'm not enough for you.
Perhaps i never will be.
It's the start of the new year and i refuse to dwell on such unhappy thoughts. And yet.
I think i've come a long way, and yet, with the recent onslaught of barely bearable stuff, i seem to have, well, gone back to the only way i've ever known in order to be able to cope.
Oh but who cares.
I'm ill, quite ill in fact, complete with a temperature and a cold. All on New Year's.
But i can't complain because, i feel the beginnings of happiness bubbling up inside again. i'll focus on that instead; keep the knife out of reach and the cigarettes out of my handbag.
What a way to start off the new year, i can't wait(:
I'll spend tomorrow tidying up my room and giving it a mini makeover. And i can't wait to hit the beach with En qing on Friday. I'm just dying for a tan. That brilliant wonderful tan that i got in Bali. Hopefully without the burns of course.
Lots of reading too of course, and sleep and smoothies. Gosh i'm so excited already.
Anyways, staying up anf extra four hours last night must have really gotten me sleep deprived because i'd like to go off now(:
All i have left to say is,
It's been an eventful year. With plenty of upses and downses, more tears and anger and annoyance than smiles. Love lost, friendships re-established. One realizes what she gave up for a relationship that didn't last, and i really don't mean it in a bad way. Then of course, i learnt the important difference between aquaintances and friends. How some seem to be good friends and people you can depend on, but turn out not to be, not in the least.
Suddenly, you don't even have five minutes for these sort of people. These sort of people whom you once called friends, whom you stayed up all night and missed out on sleep to talk with or rather, to listen to them rattle on about themselves. The same sort of people who, when it really matters, are not there.
Been forced to grow up this year and damn, i do think i've changed quite a lot. But that's the whole point of growing up and moving on, isn't it?
So my darlings,
friends and aquaintances, family and ex-lovers,
here's to a brilliant 2008.
HAPPY NEW YEAR :)
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