Monday, March 3, 2008

a world bigger than my own

I had the most unimaginably worst scare of my life today.
A wonder, because I've never been so distraught. Really.

Everything turned out fine in the end though, proving me to be grossly melodramatic.
Though it's not like worry was unwarranted.

Today's been a rather long day, i'm stunned that i've survived so long. At the same time, the knowledge that there are those who have to, not by choice, stay up this late working, makes me feel shallow and insignificant. haha

Speaking of which:
I loved today's sermon. It really got to me and some bits did make me cry, random bits which i hid. Uncle LyeHeng talked about guarding your heart and well, it meant something to me.
I spent a lot of prayer-blackouts and lostattention-moments with my head filled of memories and pretty words.
Then, after church, as we hung eating the ordered in KFC, Charis (Nigel's girlfriend, i can't spell her chinese name) talked about the persecution of the Karen Tribe in Myanmar/Burma.
And suddenly i realized how disgustingly insignificant and STUPID my problems were.

Try this,
we're crying over broken hearts, putting knives to our wrists.
Or we're taking our friends for granted or making it clear that it's time to move on to better things/friends.
Yet in another part of the world, not that close but not too far away either, there are mothers praying for their children and holding them tight. There are teenagers wondering if God is still there for them.
And everyday, there are people raped and killed-
Did we think we were too old for Scrabble or Monopoly or Twister?
Cos there's a game the persecutonrs play with the tribe. It involves getting the people to run across a field with mines all over them, just to watch them blow up. And even if they make it to the end, unharmed, they either get shot in the back or they're made to run back so that they WILL get blown up.

So yes,
the world is big and we are dinky. Here we are getting pissed drunk and crying and saying we're so unloved we ought to die, and yet, everyday there're people -right now at this exact moment- crying, praying, desperately pleading for one more day to live.

I got insanely pissed off with two people this evening.
Just horribly annoyed and then,
i typed all that out and got re-reminded of how miniscule the problem was, in comparison.
So there isn't a need to vent anymore, it always proves pointless.
Utterly pointless, at the end of the day.

So my day ended in laughs, and memories of both good and bad.

and even though you'll think it silly, i'm kinda still kept on edge.
believe it or not, i'm praying too. hoping you're already safe in bed

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