Thursday, August 21, 2008

while you pave the road to hell, m'am.

Here's what I think:

That I hate the place I'm living in right now,
and what this entire situation's doing to my mother.
I personally think Janice can do her O levels better in the UK than in Singapore because of the immense flexibility. At the same time, I understand the whole thing with Secondary school and friends and just simply, wanting to wrap up.
So, as spiteful and venomous as I might sound, I applaud her for wanting to stay on for her O levels. And if that's what she wants to do, she should.

I detest the fact that my mother has spent her life having to uproot and replant herself.
Right now I'm thinking, Janice and I can start over anywhere but it'd be impossibly hard for my mom.
So why not move back home?
Where it was her home for ages, where she knows the system, where she has the support of friends. I might just as likely be wrong about this fact, but I do think that it'd be easier for my mother to restart our lives in UK rather than in US. All we have over there is family.
Sure, family is supposed to be what pulls you through everything.
But we don't know the system all that well, we haven't lived there, and UK is still home.

Don't blame me for disliking our landlady.
She's nice and all I suppose.
But it's easy to forget that nice bit about her when you're very aware of how harsh and cold she sounds. You need to figure out whether to laugh or to cry.

I don't think it was very nice either.
At first, she was selling the house and wanted us to get the hell out of here.
Now, she's talked about it and is instead, renting the place out to a friend and so,
wants us to gather our fuckshit and get the fucking hell out of here.
Of course, she does have every right to it.
It IS her house at the end of the day.

Just a bit painful.
It's to her convenience, there's no doubt about it.
I know life isn't always the way you planned and it's not always fine and dandy.
But can you imagine?

Even though fully aware of us moving out of the country soon enough, she wanted to sell the place at the end of our lease.
Claims that there isn't a point in having a flat here being rented out while they're living overseas, not now anyway.
Then, still fully aware of the predicament we're in, she tells us they're not selling the place.
(It was in the first line of the email. It's supposed to make the recipient of that email smile and get her hopes up)
And follows that line with how she'll be renting the flat out to someone else instead.
A friend, granted, but someone else no less.

I think, it'd be so much easier to deal with if she'd just said straight out,
"Get the fuck out of my house cos I don't really like you guys."
That's be insanely easier to understand.
Rather than us dancing around like this like a bunch of fucking baboons.

So here we are.
Of course there's enough time to move.
I think we should just get out of here as quickly as possible.
No mom, I don't think you should give her those thirty minutes she's asking for in September.

I'm sorry mom, if I'm being an absolute bitch.
But I'm getting it shitty too.

I've said my piece, it's my two cents, okay maybe two dollars worth.

Oh Yeah!
I forgot to mention,
the landlords are a pastoring couple.

I'd say Fuck You and your god,
but that wouldn't be fair.
Because He's my God too, and maybe this is happening for a reason but I think a part of me is holding on,
waiting for that path to clear so I can walk out.

They do say,
even demons believe.

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