A random picture post with long overdue pictures

In no order whatsoever:




This is Buttons. She curled up beside me and freaking draped her arm over mine.
CUTE AS HELL!


Victor took this with one of Alastair's cameras. I likeeee.

Some photoshoot I did a million years ago for DNA magazine
My latest addition (until tomorrow at half past six-ilicious!)


I camwhored at one point in time (contrary to popular belief, I don't usually do that. I swear to God)
I camwhored because I was changing my haaaaaair!
byebye pink streak that didn't stay very long):

Mini-me!

Janice has a mohawk man.
And my hair now looks the same as when this picture was taken.

Dinner with Victor! (that's how bored he looks when he hangs out with me)
Abigayle, my baby sister, on a completely different day.
By the way, she is about to become an older sister!
Yeahppp, that's right folks. I am Da Jie x3!

MOMMY LOOKS DAMN CUTE! Except my hair looks better than hers.
Okay, not really. Her blue is still visible, after what, four months?
Nong Nong time ago.
But the hair's pretty much the same.

So a litter of kitties have become Homer's next door neighbour for a while now.
This is one of them, at the top of the door, trying to get away (and getting stuck in the grill)
Sunset at my place-

So a while back, I had a ten day free spa trial (worth $700 or smth!) and it was faaaaab.
It was called Willowstream, a Fairmont spa. Located inside Fairmont Hotel.
They had lovely steambaths, saunas, warm jacuzzis, and a cold plunge.
They even had a rest-area. Because you know, getting your nails done, facials, hopping in and out of steambaths, they all get pretty tiring.
So you're allowed to nap here for as long as you freaking want!


yeaaaaaaaaaahhh. Loved it while it lasted. It was second home for nearly two weeks):

Below: kitty cat I wanted to adopt but smelt of pee and kept scratching me!

TLC's idea of art.

My baby likes to sleep!
sometimes in the nooks of my table as I work
Sometimes behind the telly in my room

sometimes on top of the cooler box, in the storeroom, 5cm from the ceiling. When she wakes up, she starts crying cos she doesn't know how to come down.

good times, good times

Translation: This will happen to your penis if you smoke too much.
We saw it in Taiwan.


Orkeh Dorkeh.
I am doing serious procrastination right now. I did my first Chhem assignment in fifteen minutes, and I've taken like, a week or something for my second one.
Groan.

Well, hope this fulfilled your pic-cravings. Because I realized, I hardly ever upload pics((:

Really, really, would like to

When you figure you can still a moment for just a second longer than it's supposed to last.
When you hold on too long and wish you wouldn't.
When you smile at things that other people don't know about and have strangers clearing their throat at you.
When you figure you can't still a moment for just a second longer than it's supposed to last,
but you would really really like to.

like how marshmellows attack me when I've got my period

It's illegal to preach to Muslims in Singapore. And although I agree with that, and honestly think some Christians (especially those who go round screaming condemnation) ought to shut up, I DO NOT think it warrants non-christians calling them stupid.
Now that, is just unfair.

The cab driver last night decided to chime in with his two hundred dollars worth after he dropped Vicky off. Except, clearly, he wasn't listening properly to our conversation. It was painfully clear that we were Christians. It was also explicitly clear that we were not straight and we were very against Homophobes and the likes of them. (like those damn mean ones who go round calling guys Faggots. seriously, fuck off)

So this bloke starts ranting on about SPGs "serving" (he actually meant like doing housework) white men starkers, gays and transexuals, disgrace to Singaporean women, why don't i know of these weird documentaries on the internet that have been banned! (what's the opposite of name-dropping?Can you do that with unknown shows?), lots of nakedness, stupid christians who got jailed for six-months trying to convert Muslims, I hope I'm not offending you miss, yada yada.

Actually I was quite annoyed after a while, because he started being very mean. Clearly, he thought he was being on my side, he wanted to speak emphatically and what not, but saying,
"GO TO HELL LAH YOU, YOU NO ONE ELSE TO SERVE NAKED MEH?" about women in YOUR OWN COUNTRY was not in the least bit impressive.

He started off our conversation by pointing out some Christians need to mind their own business, stop shoving Jesus around (cos that's what V and i were talking about, not being Holier-than-thou) and then he proceeds to do the same thing!
SO WHAT IF THE GIRLS HERE ARE INTO WHITE MEN?
WHAT IN FUCK'S NAME DOES IT HAVE TO DO WITH YOU?
YOU YOURSELF POINTED OUT THAT LOCAL GUYS DATE WOMEN FROM CHINA BECAUSE OF HOW BUSY LOCAL WOMEN ARE "ENTERTAINING" WHITE BLOKES. SO EVERYONE'S GETTING LAID RIGHT? NO NEED TO FRET! AIYOHHHH.

Fuck man, then he started going on about this documentary they filmed in clarke quay, and there was this white dude who got picked up and only in the hotel room, did he realize that woman wasn't actualy a woman. WHY ARE YOU TELLING ME THIS.

Singaporeans are funny, funny people I say.
Needless to say, he got a bit flustered when he realized (right at the end of the ride) that I was British and nope, not a funny funny Singaporean.

one, two, three-thousand-three

OMG I realize how much I cannot stand people with horrid English.
I've been driven to blog hopping because no one blogs these days! Neither do those random people who's blogs I read.
So there's this one ah lian who played truth or dare over the weekend. Except she kept calling it
TRUE OR DARE and on top of that, kept going on about how
I HOPE YOU ALL ENJOY THE TRUE OR DARE GAME OSO ARX!

cringe.

So about ten minutes ago, Buttons was being a huge brat and I was getting super cross with her. She was climbing all over my stuff, and I chucked her out of the room. But then she looked at me with these huge, gorgeous sad eyes and I felt like such a monster):
So I left the room door open and now she's all nice and comfy and dozing off on the telly in my room. I love it when she's such a good girl!

Anyhoos, I had a gorgeous gorgeous GORGEOUS weekend. The food I had was super fantastic! (Including Macdonalds at midnight and Starbucks' hot chocolate, which I didn't finish.)
Pool view, breakfast by the pool (which we actually woke up for), HAPPINESS MUCH!
<3

so achey!
acheyachey):

For V

yay! you're legal!
Please do that super funny thing with your ic and shaky hands. in fact, lets go buy you some fake retainers and tie your hair in two ponytails to make you look younger:D:D:D

-------------

So tonight will have us eating good food and drinking lots. I should be allowed to smoke by now but hmmmm.
AND, I'm going tanning! yayyyyyyyyyyyyy!

SO EXCITED FOR THIS WEEKEND! Many many things to do and lots of drinks to drink!
arghckadadsresdfa
excited much! sorry!

My answer for my first Chemistry assignment

deacadaedccaeaeacbed

My baby is eighteen inches long(:

The length of a minute depends on which side of the bathroom door you're on

dayum.
I missed an awesome nuffnang contest that asked us to write about whether or not Singaporeans dress badly.
YA THINK?!

Okay, not everyone, but many many people. Unfortunately mostly from the young working crowd. Half of them look like they're sixteen year olds in their mommy's shoes and somehow, it looks too small (the shoes i mean) rather than too big.

But enough. Deadline's up):
dayum!

ON ANOTHER NOTE.

Cyanide & Happiness @ Explosm.net

this came up on Explosm today. I love things that are so true, and put so simply.

By the way Kris, you suck. You are NOT funny in the least and you should totally get off the fucking team.

I went out with Alastair today, which was very nice because we haven't hung out properly in really really long. HOWEVER I did something utterly stupid, like wear my gorgeous brand new Aldo heels out and deciding AGAINST bringing extra shoes. I got blisters):
As usual, the day brought all the little things that never fail to surprise me. Like how people can be so incredibly inconsiderate. Like how sometimes you feel evil but feel like smacking the lady who's hogging the seat BECAUSE MY FEET FELT LIKE THEY WERE BLEEDING AND SHE STARED AT ME NONCHALANTLY.

I've also decided that I'm bringing baby buttons in for her review and vac earlier, so that I can spend more time with her. I'll do Thursday instead of like, Sunday.
Because I'll be mysteriously disappearing on Monday, I don't want her to be all distressed and upset and turn herself into a black cotton-puff.

------------------------

On a much less frivolous note (not that Buttons' Vaccination is frivolous),
I found myself wondering how come sometimes you can work so incredibly hard for something and have it fall flat. It feels like such an impossible thing to deal with, and honestly, I'm just so so sorry. I want to be here for you even though I know I do not have anything of comfort to say and tea doesn't solve everything.
I wish it wasn't so painful, I really do. But I know it is, and it must feel so incredibly shitty. And all I can come up with is an I'm sorry because I can't find anything else to say. I said don't let it get you down, but it will for sure.
I guess, what you shouldn't do, is blame yourself. Because at the end of the day, you know you tried, you know you managed to get into all the universities. I think you've done all that you can possibly do and at the very least, you should know it's not because you weren't good enough.
I'm not very good with all the comfort words and support but, I love you. And I'm right here if you need to talk.

realization, of sorts. I think.

I, am quite lucky, I think.
They say it's the hardest part of the relationship, but it's what makes them stronger.
All that jazz,
I'm glad I didn't have to go through it. That I'm not going through it.

I'm not being mean. I'm just. Grateful, if I may.
Yep. Grateful.

(:

Coffee

Coffee - Copeland

Which, by the way, I'm trying to lay off for a while until my teeth become blindingly white(:

CAUTION: HIGH LEVELS OF MUSH AHEAD

I had a bunch of mushy two-liners about the people who mean the world to me and how I would drop dead without them.
Then I realized, they'd probably just laugh at me):
(don't i have a knack for sounding sad!)

But I realize right,
that I really am grateful, every single day for managing to have people like you in my life.
(This includes people I didn't hang out with today like TLC, mommy, Enqing and daddy)

Safeville

Introducing Maxi, secretary to the Mayor.
And tie-tyer of course (Although Aarika took over halfway)
Dom, scriptwriter and director. Fantastically patient and understanding.
Lulu, who makes me squeal when the cold metal of the mic slides down my back.


A very bored Maxi.

The bricklayer and the precious, precious fruit.

This is what I get paid to do: file my nails incessantly, start bitch fights with both the Bricklayer and the Accountant, and smile really hard when the camera swings my way.

So, Safeville's a computer game, a Ministry of Defence thing, done for Junior College and Tertiary Students.
Players log on and automatically assume the role of the Mayor. They get to make all the major decisions which result in consequent scenes and me either asking you out to dinner or throwing a temper at you.
TEE HEE.

There's a lot more pictures that don't have me in them. Most of them don't have me actually, but I'm lazy to put them up:D

Was great fun working with this bunch of people who are all artistically inclined in some way or another. (No, seriously, the one playing the Doctor juggles being a mother of three and a singing coach!) Some of us have full time jobs that require looking at numbers and some of us don't.
But all of us had fun all the same(:

And to the people who still have to continue working on this baby,
Kudos to you guys!

xoxo

Since no one else is blogging,

ahmahgad!
Everyone's too lazy to blog)):
WHY I ASK YOU! WHYYYYY!

So it's baby's Vaccination today. Once again, no one at Homer's place is picking up the phone, officially changing my previously set schedule.
I hate it when this happens. I'm going to freaking tell them in advance the days that I'll be coming over.

I'm supposed to be heading out with Bird tonight but I don't know, I think I'll stay in with my baby.
You know, I'm going to make a conscious effort to NOT sound like Buttons is a live, kicking, squealing baby (although she behaves it most of the time). Because it's sort of unfair on the mothers of real babies who kick and scream and wail every five seconds.


DIDDUMS.

Tomorrow's busy busy. Well, sort of.
I get to catch up with my Twin!((:
And have dinner out.

So anyways, you know how I decided against learning how to drive/ ride a motorbike because I felt it was a waste of my time since i won't get to drive around a lot in Singapore. And I didn't want to fork out the money and etc.
Basically I had a WHOLE bunch of reasons to keep me from learning to drive even though I've been bent on it since I was eight.
So anyhoos, after Daddy opened his car door yesterday and beamed at me for getting comfy and (looking like I was) driving a Lexus, he launched into how I ought to get my license. So I said he should totally pay for me to do it. hahahaha.
Especially since like, the only time I'd be able to drive is if we rent a car or I knock over some random bloke and steal his car. Which has been a huge factor in me not picking up driving.

So daddy and I made a deal.
When I get my next A, he's putting me through driving lessons.
YIPPEEE.

I'm happy today.
For the first time in FOREVER, I yanked myself out of bed at half past eight and sat down for Primetime Morning. Steven and Suzanne should totally host it as much as they possibly can, because I find that when that other woman with the weird mouth does it, i mysteriously am only able to get up at half past ten.
I KID YOU NOT!

I did a spot of shopping yesterday(:
OMG I LOVE SHOPPING! And do you know what I love most about shopping? When I buy a whole bunch of stuff and do my mental calculations and then, when the bill's round up on the till, it turns out that THERE'S A DISCOUNT!
AHMAHGAD. SO HAPPY!

I haven't shopped in absolute ages. Okay, well, I have. New collars for Buttons, soft food, treats, a new baby rattle (it's damn cute, it's in the shape of a squishy dice!)
Stuff like that.
Groan.
No new shoes/clothes/make up for like, half a million years. I did get the new Neutrogena Wave though. It IS pretty good, except at the back of my mind, I've got this worry that it'll be one of those things that I stop using after a while and leave it to grow mould in my bathroom until we move out and I think, "Oh I should totally start using this again! I'm sure mould provides nutrients, albeit a different sort, for my face!"

BACK TO POINT!
I haven't shopped in soooo long. So I get these crazy thrills when I buy quite a few things. Like I bought myself new soap the other day. And a bunch of shavers. Yes, that is how sad I've become.
And yesterday was a lovely spot of shopping. Although none of it was for me. hahaha.

I feel like doing more shopping. hmm. (omg, the first thing I thought of when I typed that out was all the nearby petshops to buy stuff for Buttons.)
Lord help me!

Things that cause nosebleeds

TA DAH!
I'm done with Mommy's blog(:
Go have a look-see:D:D

So I had an audition today. Well, just a couple of stills more like.
Was okay.

Saw pics of drink-night on Monday. I wish I went! I was home at like, ten! I could've gone, but I don't know why I felt like curling up and sleeping.
))):
This sucks.

I've got new body soap that smells deeeeeelicious(:
And my subjects have been uploaded already. Fantastic.
So I'll be getting started on English Compositions and, get this, Math. Yeap. I figured I might as well get it over and done with.

I have not done Math in freaking forever. It's so scary because I feel pretty damn rusty.
The only mathematics I do these days consists of calculating how much those gorgeous, to-die-for boots at Aldo cost after 70% off. (Usually still about two hundred bucks) Or like, my kids and their grades. hahaha.

Ooooh, scary much, but have to get down to it!

I am SUCH an incredibly happy girl today.
I've been looking ALL OVER SINGAPORE, I kid you not, I swear I'm not exaggerating, ALL OVER SINGAPORE, for this particular book. I've gone into countless Popular bookstores until I figured I could get them to check the Island-Wide System, it took me popping into a few Times bookshops too.
So anyway, I spent today calling up MPH, Borders and Times. (I was done with Popular. groan)
Would you believe it? ALL THE BOOKSHOPS ACROSS THE ISLAND (I digress: I like referring to Singapore as an Island. It suddenly sounds super awesome and makes me feel like I'm on holiday! Back to point!) HAVE RUN OUT OF STOCK.
It was so impossible and I felt like keeling over and dying, I swear.
It seemed that my only way of getting that book was via Ebay. And I couldn't be sure of the condition. You know how incredibly picky I am.

Then, one of the lovely ladies I called up at Times had a brilliant idea of calling up the newest branch they had (TM 1) in case their stock of books wasn't in their system.
The moment she rang me back, I became theeee happiest girl in the world.

I was so flabbergasted at the fact that this book is out of stock all over Singapore. It's not the latest Twilight book or Jodi Picoult, you know.
The latest print was 1991 I think.

hmmmm

anyhoos!
I don't have nosebleeds but my nose is bleeding like fuck.
Not like, bleeding out all over my clean jammies. But like, when I blow my nose, all that comes out is blood.
:/

DADDY DAY TOMORROW!:D
I get to see my baby sister!

Smoke gets in your eyes

please watch this. IT IS SO FUNNY.
It's not just her brilliant singing (though you will see why I'm so in love with her) but this is just SO HILARIOUS THAT YOU HAVE TO WATCH IT.

As into Judy Garland as i am, I find it incredibly hilarious and stupid the possessiveness some people have over "her" songs.
Like, on YouTube, a video of Charlotte Church singing Somewhere Over The Rainbow comes up.
And comments include, "WHY DO PEOPLE HAVE TO REPAINT THE MONA LISA!"
"THIS SONG BELONGS TO JUDY GARLAND"

So stupid. Do you see her children doing that?
Then why should you?

groan

I'm in love with Judy Garland.
Okay. maybe not really.
I realize I'm in love with a lot of these old singers. Most of them are dead or dying or dying to be dead. (I'm horrible)
The only singer I like from "today" is Pink. Aaaand, it's more because of her lyrics/personality and all that.

Sometimes I'm pretty sure I would have survived a whole lot better like back in the sixties. I'd wear lovely dresses with poofy sleeves and match it perfectly with a lovely hat. (which I can use to catch my drool when I sit in the front row at Judy Garland's concert)

Yeah, totally man:D

So last night I did a banner thingy for mom's new blog template.
Okay, it wasn't a banner. It was a huge picture up top.
And I will sort out the rest soon.
Awesome stuff, it's my first!

I've spent today eating, planning on doing stuff and making my goodbye card to the people of safeville.
Which reminds me, the laundry's been done for the last hour.

fuck

It's the last day of the month

And I'm feeling better, a wee bit fresher and smiley-er.

I'd best get back to my swim and kickboxing routine. Just because it's always made me feel good.
I feel very refreshed for some reason or other.
Maybe it's because I've started polishing my teeth and I am ridding myself of those godawful smoke stains/coffee stains/tea stains.
Lovely.

This week, my little girl's getting vaccinated, I'm dropping in to see my daddy and my baby sister (and everyone else, my gramps who're in town too), I'm grabbing dins with Vicky and catching up on twinnie time(:
Lovely! Everything's quite lovely!

Like how my little girl turns around and looks at me curiously with her huge green eyes but is clearly too lazy to do anymore than that.
Like how, although I was late, I finished early on my last day of shoot and managed to squeeze in a proper shower and drown-myself-in-glitter-time before heading to Marilyn's wedding.

Lots of people are seeing themselves a year older this month.
Starting with Vee's (and Ilona's too right?) which means Bird and I (the only non-birthday people) ought to throw our money together and just have a week-long blend of days and nights and booze and vomit.
HOW LOVELY WOULD THAT BE!

Must also get off my fat, untanned ass and get started on my new modules. 2 modules per month! Talk about major mugging!
I'm putting a hold on the travelling because I have a crazy amount of shit to do (once it starts).
Shit that requires time-tables and discipline and lack of rest, but shit that NEEDS TO BE DONE.

But no one needs to worry about me. I'm so self-absorbed that I'll spend the weekend alone in JB just to scratch that travel-itch. Tee hee.
Oh yes, and I'm stocking up on Jodi Picoult books.
Ought to start throwing stuff out for sure though so that moving won't be such a bleeding pain.

I'm jittery about my life! yay!
(insert overused How Lovely-line)

Waiting for another day

My brain's buzzing a wee bit.
Nat's officially done with teaching drama tomorrow, and she'll be off to Aussie for the next couple of years. Gets you wondering about the rest of your life.

Can't wait for school.
Like, school-school.
But there's so much to think about. And then there's all those other things which have me smiling myself to sleep.
And I'm all chewing my lip, going off into daydreams and wanting so so badly to be able to do what I want to in the long run. But maybe, you know, I'm going to have to start of waiting tables.
Which ain't that bad an idea, really.

I just watched my adorable little darling carefully lick her paws and put herself to sleep. She's such a big girl now, my wee one. All grown up):
If you saw her at the beginning, you really ought to see her now. haha.

So the week's been busy and today was a complete and utter nightmare.
I want to complain like crazy, but I've overdone it already. So I think I'll save it for a day or so and then tell it fresh. hahaha.
On a good note, turns out I'm not teaching six hours straight (trying to decide if it's better or worse, still) AND I found my black crayon eyeliner which mysteriously went missing on my flight back from LA six months ago. I KNOW RIGHT.
Popped out of nowhere.

My throat hurts so so so SO much right now.

Zombie, Zombie

Don't feel like doing work right now. Stuck listening to songs on repeat and getting shitty-jealous of new mommys.
I don't know, at least I worked on the second speech, right?
Should I let myself slack of a bit before starting on my new modules?

GROOOOAN.

On a note that completely made my day today,
I got an A- overall for Public Speaking. I'm scared sending in my second speech will pull it down):

JOKE OF THE DAY

"What happened there man?"
"Oh, I'm a cutter." I say, matter-of-factly.
A third person looks up from cutting shapes out of construction paper.
"Professionally?" She asks, unsure of what we're talking about.
"Yep. Everytime they do a wrist-slashing scene in movies, they always use me."

there's nothing left here now.
Not anymore

Because I am not, you see.

And now, I'm just waiting for it.

Men and their ability to listen. Or the lack thereof.

Draws the line between who jumps into your bed and who doesn't.
And of course, the girls we end up going back to instead.

boring, boring creatures you are.




*all said with exception to my two favourite boys. of course(:

the same old argument

It's half one in the morning right now.
I got a lift back on a bike(:

Anyhow, I wouldn't normally wake Heather up at such an hour. However, I do have work to be done. Which, brings me to my blog post-
IT IS UNBELIEVABLE HOW IGNORANT ANTI-GAY-RIGHTS PEOPLE ARE!
In one particular forum, someone wrote,
"Everyone knows that marriage is the most stable thing there is. Cohabitation is notoriously unstable and homosexual relationships even more so. I personally have not known of any gay couples being together for more than two years."
WELL MY FRIEND, THAT CLEARLY SHOWS WHAT AN IGNORANT FOOL YOU ARE.

I will supply the statistics when I have them, but at a glance, I'd say marriages, with or without kids are not stable. And definitely not in comparison to live-in partners and gay partners.
Are you seriously kidding me?
(i might be wrong here) As far as I can see, the unmarried and homosexual relationships always seem to last way longer than heterosexual relationships.
i'll show you my numbers if you show me yours.

Then someone else said that kids up for adoption are contributed by gay couples in the first place.
ARE YOU QUITE MAD?!
YOU HAVE NO EVIDENCE WHATSOEVER TO SUBSTANTIATE YOUR CLAIM. THAT IS A TERRIBLE THING TO SAY.
Married couples who split up because one of them turns out to be gay are often so bent on showing their children how much they love them and how they are not the cause of the divorce that the kid is more likely to end up being spoilt rotten (what with three dads!) than an unwanted sod.

Also, so many people are under this incredibly, incredibly, STUPID assumption that gay men hate women and lesbians hate men. (coincidentally, this assumption is almost always made by men)
SWEET LORD.
Just because lesbians are not attracted to your fucking wrinkly balls does not mean that we hate you. For God's Sake! GET OVER YOURSELF MAN. YOU ARE SO SELF-ABSORBED!
YOUR PENIS IS NOT THE BE ALL AND END ALL.
GO ON AND MARRY IT.

I'm so infuriated that I'm just going to end up spewing out largely opinionated lines.
soooooooo
forget it.

Lord, I am inspired

INSPIRATION! WHOOHOO

Here we go again.
For Heaven's sake, I've got time, why not use it?
Well I was supposed to. In fact I've been planning to. AND RIGHT NOW I AM BLOGGING IN THE TIME I'M SUPPOSED TO USE FOR MY SPEECH.

eurgh
So infuriating. I don't know why I never seem to be able to buckle down and get it sorted out.
All them windows, research, word doc, it's all open.
But you know, I reaaaaaaally feel like having a quick nap.

Someone needs to help me.
My prof is not going to be a very happy bunny at all.

Oh God, Dear God!

Who in the world knew writing a speech was so freaking difficult!
It's not so much so the speech-y bit, really.
It's the audience adaptation, the speech goals, the thesis statements. And all to an imaginary audience, no less!
This is so incredibly depressing because, as much research as I've been doing I cannot start with the outlines and whatnot.

In fact, I am so distracted that in the last hour, I've had a yoghurt juice with a smoke, painted my nails and danced with Buttons.
GROAN.

Am in serious need of help right now!
I wish I didn't have to do stupid adaptation plans.
HELLO! WHO AM I ADAPTING IT TO? NO-BLOODY-ONE.
How in the world do I adapt a speech to an audience that doesn't even exist!

MADNESS

DO WORK BITCH.
AW C'MON!
DOOOO WOOOORK!

for anyone but you

filling my senses.

Sooooo,
after my glass of Bailey's, a smoke and a poop, I've decided this.
That I'm really happy and contented with my life as it is.
There isn't a need to go round stressing about how I'm going to support my kids in the next million years or how I'll take the first step to starting up my drama school.

The whole thinking thinking thinking has left me half dead with the immense amount of overplanning and stress. At the end of the day, if it comes, it will. (more cats, school, the major move, kids, whatever)

After all, I've got Buttons who is always quite content to sit in my toilet and stare at the drain and paw at little black things that I can't even see. And she's enough for me right now.

I'm awfully grateful for all I have as it is. And I see no sense in rushing about and jumping into things I have no experience in whatsoever.
This doesn't mean I'm giving up on all my super majorly detailed planning or anything. It's just that well, I'll take it as it comes.
Failing all, I've got my family and Buttons.

And right now, I really think that's all that matters.
(:

I am sooo in love with my baby girl!
She sleeps on the table right beside me when I'm using Heather!
ack! Adorable much!

I've got stuff to do.
Like, stuff stuff. Not rolling about and shaving my legs half-heartedly kinda stuff.
But I'm so unmotivated right now!
And WHY HAS IT BEEN RAINING SO MUCH!
I haven't gotten to walk Homer at all in the past week, and today, the sky's grey.
I can't even do laundry!

I'm getting started on Safeville this week.
It's gonna be a loooong looong week for me(:
But I've been looking forward to it since last week. TEE HEE.

The Love of Three Oranges, which baby Vee acted in was great.
(I'm not just saying)
I thought their cover-ups and add-ons were superb. I didn't notice the screwups until Vee told me. See, that's how well they covered it up!
oooh. super faaaaab!

xoxo

You're my BFF.

always making it okay.

stone walls and all the other things that I don't have anymore

It kills me that she knows.
She knows, she does.

I guess we all know, when the time comes.
That a girl's just gotta go out and be on her own.
It's gets easier and easier to figure out when you're not wanted. But it's never any easier to swallow.

Wonder why it's always those who know you all your life that manage to tear you down and make you ache,
inside and out.














pleasepleasepleasedon'thurtme.I'mtootiredtocryanymore.pleasedon'thurtme.goawaygoawaygoaway.

when shit hits the fan

Out of all the things I don't like to talk about, which include Cockroaches, eating gross things, pimples, Extreme Racism, what tops the list is money.
It's very weird, I get shitty weirded out by it. So much so that I very very rarely get money back from people i've borrowed from.
So I thought it was quite silly, that explosion about a couple of hours back.

Because the last thing in the world that I'd ever want to be, even more than a hoe, is calculative.

When I'm annoyed or stressed out, I run or cut myself or do massive cleaning. Sometimes all of them.
So I scrubbed my toilet down twice over, scrubbed the toilet bowl and then the sink and I'm just about to go sweep the floor of my room and mop it up as well.

Because you know, when shit hits the fan, it usually gets quite messy.

So I've been writing.

It's my first break this week and it feels like aaaaaaaages since I've slept in. By "sleeping in" I mean waking up at 9.30am instead of 8.30 and missing Prime Time Morning.
GASP.

Anyways, for the first time this week, I spent the day at home. Yeahp, I gave up on going to to the spa today to stay home with my baby girl:D:D
She's less than psyched about it though, because she got a looovely bath! hahahah.

I'm working on something uber cool in the next couple of weeks. It's called Safeville and it turns ouuuuut, it's a Computer Game :D
yay me.

This is what we contribute the end of the world to:

Correction,
the H1N1 somethingoranotherohforgetitigiveup

green apples and ginger tea

this pic came up while heather was dozing off.
awwww.
I think i've got the best friends in the world.
miss you<3

I've spent 3 days straight at the Fairmont spa!
Gosh it is incredibly nice, I swear. loveloveloooove.
Of course, too much of a good thing makes it bad sometimes.
And well, it started to feel just a wee bit like a chore.
(omg i know right! oh what a chore it is to have to go down to the spa again! ladeeda)
hahahaha

You just become less appreciative I think, and I got bored a bit easier.
Well, i'll be away from it my entire weekend and then come Monday I'll spend half the day there with mommy.

OMG MY HANDS ARE TREMBLING LIKE MAD.
okay, just my right hand. HOW WEIRD.
So i met up with Lois today, after like foooorever.
And we took three pictures so that she'll remember my hair. hehe.
It was a decent audition and all. Saw a lad in his school uniform. Don't i remember those days now! hahaha

WELL. I'll be chucked into toilet cleaners' uniforms if I don't get going and complete my bloody speech.

ta

Feels like it should be Christmas.

I had a wonderful day until I got in to read my emails.

So it started with the spa.
Well, right before that I spent my trip rating guys' asses and making weird eyes at the 9 out of 10 people who were dressed like shit.
HELLO. WHO PAIRS UP A HUGE PINK BAG WITH TINY PINK EARRINGS WHEN YOU'RE WEARING BLACK AND WHITE!
AND CAN THE WOMEN HERE WEAR SHOES THAT FIT THEM INSTEAD OF WEARING SLIP-ONS THAT YOUR TOES SQUIDGE OUT OF! MY WORD.
rant over.
I chucked myself into the Eucalyptus-smelling Steam Room like, four times. (damn shiok)
Dozed off in the jacuzzi and used too much of their nice smelling body soap when I was bathing.

Then I had lunch with Vic at my all time favourite jap restaurant.
Mommy's colleagues saw me, apparently.
The verdict is: That bloke looks very decent and presentable!

Had a nice afternoon in, peppered with calls bringing nice news!

1)yay, i'm starting to act again after like 9898947927013 eons
2)it's a cool thing called Safeville with an animated background. (I wonder if I can have a copy when it's done, cos it won't be screened. hmm)
3)Someone from a production company saw Paperstars and was quite, quote, "taken", with Lois and I. So we've been asked to come down for an audition, either for keepers or to do a drama series. Very nice(:
4)Might get to do an ad for Singtel next Wed- unconfirmed (cross fingers! I want I want!)
5)My meeting doesn't clash with my audition!

Then I rolled out of bed fifteen minutes late, jumped into clothes and went for kickboxing.

Dinner was great, and I just finished watching 3 eps of How I Met Your Mother with the family.

And then I had a spoiler.
I don't even know why it's affecting me like this, but you know, it is pretty damn fucking stupid.

You are a fucking grown man. You need to stop fucking thinking that everyone in the world is against you, including me. Why the fuck are you taking it out on me anyhow?
A couple of years ago, when the Tsunami hit, you shot out half a dozen emails to me.
Starting my asking how i was and if I was alive, they turned into demands as to why I wasn't replying you and if the rest of my family put me up to this.
MAYBE I DIED?

What the Fuck!

And you know, seriously right, you tell me all this stuff. How she broke your heart and all that fuck and how you will never love again and that she hates you. But even from my point of view, it's clear you don't want to be in contact with her.
When you left, you didn't tell her. Sold off all the furniture that was actually HERS and buggered off to China. Now you're back and I'm the only one who knows and you keep telling me not to pass out your contacts.
How insecure are you!
WHO IN THE WORLD AM I GOING TO TELL THAT IT WILL BENEFIT?
MY CAT?
MY FRIENDS WHO SMOKE WEED AND PRANK CALL PEOPLE TO SAY THEY ARE SATAN?

I don't really give two hoots. I mean I love you to bits but this time round you're quite mad.
God I can't freaking be bothered.
I can't!

I don't know if I can.

So Calvin's family came back from a few days away at some wedding.
And they found themselves burgled.
And well, Hobbes is missing, three strips in a row!

It's one of the things making me cry now.

I'm all wrong words said too softly.
But I'm only wrong words anyway.

I'm calling it quits.

you weren't supposed to be able to do this to me.
no one was.
But we always pretend to be stronger than we really are
and we forget that,
dial tones still make you sad and people still make you cry.

my baby? neverrrr!

excited much (about nothing at all)

I've got this disgusting habit of saying I'm going to do things without really having it all settled first. I guess my excitement gets quite ahead of me.

"Oh, you'll regret being mean to me! I'm going home to the UK!" I told my classmates when I was eight. They sort of just rolled their eyes and said something to the like of,
"Oh go on then, put us out of our misery."
And I said it year after year after year.

"I'm going to boarding school." I told awestruck kids in my childcare centre.

"Oh I'm headed to the US!" I declared to Bird, when I was eleven. "I might not even stay for my PSLE!"
And then it became, I might not stay til sec 2 and by gosh, I'll definitely not be around for O levels!

Really? Seriously?
Look at where the fuck I am right now.

I hate that I get excited and I tell people and then it doesn't happen.
My parents back out or stuff changes or GodKnowsWhat.

I'm not mad at my mom, although she might think I am right now.

Nope, I'm not going for Bike lessons anymore. Mainly, because it doesn't make sense.
I'm going to be here for about 14months max, and spending half that time learning and only getting to ride about for the other half is quite a joke.
So. Forget that.

I'm not going for that short term course at La salle either. Mainly because well. Okay honestly? Right now I can't be bothered. I'm fed up. I want to get out of this half-life I'm living.

FIFTEEN FUCKING YEARS GODDAMMIT. FIFTEEN FUCKING YEARS LIVING SOME KIND OF HALF-LIFE. LIVING LIKE I MIGHT BE PACKING UP AND GOING SOME PLACE ELSE NEXT WEEK. LIVING LIKE I'M WAITING FOR MY LIFE TO START.

And that, i realize, is all I've been doing actually.
Waiting for my life to start when it already has/had. I like what I do now and all that, oh don't get me wrong. I love my job, and my friends and everything that I am right now.
But everytime I think about things like that, it irks me.

Four years ago, a friend whom I'd known from childcare days (which was five years back) rang me up just to catch up.
"So," she goes, "You're back for the holidays right?"
"huh?" I went.
"Cos you said you'd be in boarding school, so if I'm talking to you in Singapore means you're having holidays, right?"


Yeah well.
Shit happens.

Anyways, who am I to complain?
I've got a beautiful baby girl, a job I love and time to do my studies in the way that I actually like. And both my parents are alive and my best friends are so amazing that I might just marry all of them for the heck of it.

My time will come.
To do whatever I want to do. Like, have kids, adopt kittens, come up with a good enough reason to go bald.
my time will come.

that's why.

sort of. don't really feel like being around for a while.
and i feel like it'd be childish but that it's all i can do for me.

So i'm here, and then there's like the rest of my life.
But I don't know how to cross over.

It feels like I've come all the way to the edge, and i'm stuck because I can almost get to the other side, but it's still a little bit too far. Feels like there's a million and one things to do and I have no idea where to start.
Sometimes I'm not entirely sure of what I'm doing, and it really irks me.

Actually, I don't feel like doing anything or being around very much.
Not here at least.
Like, you know, we always figure we'd get our life started when we climb out of the half-life we're living right now.

ahmahhgad. dayam cute!